Sometimes when I am in the check out line at the supermarket - only because I have nothing else to do - I might look at People magazine... if Brad Pitt, Johnny Depp or Orlando Bloom is on the cover. It is embarrassing to admit I read such drivel but keep in mind that drivel is accompanied by the air brushed and best publicized male faces Hollywood has to offer. Those men have each been named The Sexiest Man Alive by People magazine, or Second Sexiest Man Alive, or Incredible Breathing Sexy Man, or The Sexiest Man Who Will Never Call You For A Date So Go Ahead And Buy That Five Gallon Tub of Ice Cream Girlfriend.
But actually, those pretty boys are just that: boys. And they are not sexy. All they can do is stand around looking gorgeous, pretending to be real men for the movies. The most important thing they know is which side of their face is most photogenic. They are rich and famous, and even though it pains me to say it about such beautiful men, they are worthless in the real world.
But, do not despair because there is a real sexy man out there. Oh yes, Virginia, there is indeed a sexiest man alive. His name is Mike Holmes, the star of Holmes on Homes. Every week I tune in to watch this big hunk of Y Chromosome tearing into the horrible mess sub-par and dishonest contractors have made of some unlucky person's home. I practically swoon over his righteous indignation.
He wears overalls and tool belts and shakes his head in sympathy for the victimized homeowner. Sometimes he actually gets angry that terrible contractors are out there taking advantage of the weak and innocent, making it hard for the good contractors. Sometimes his manly, tattooed arms are bared. Oh, but the sexiest thing Mike Holmes does, the sexiest thing any man on the planet will ever do, is fix homes. And he fixes them right! They are up to code. Safe. Sturdy. Beautiful. Made whole again.
Now that is sexy.