Saturday, June 5, 2010

What is Funny about Being a Fat, White Woman?

The first time I received energy work, I experienced what is variously called a shamanic journey, travel in the dream time, lucid dreaming - choose the discipline and use its term for an expanded consciousness experience.  Because I had no prior expectations for the energy work, I believe that made it easy to slip into the other awareness.  It is not an altered consciousness, not an induced consciousness, but an expanded awareness.  In addition to my normal senses, I could experience another realm with a previously unknown/unused ability.  While I was traveling, I was perfectly aware of my normal self lying on a therapy table, hearing the birds singing outside, the low voices in the next room, feeling the pillow beneath my head.  I was in two places at once and my brain was quite adept at keeping the two realities separate.  It was exhilarating.

I will not recount the entire journey, but I will say the experience remains as one of the brightest beacons in understanding why I have a physical life on this earth.  Of course, there are still a million questions.  It only answered a few, leaving countless more unanswered.

At one point I found myself riding thermals high above the Bad Lands, seeing everything through the eyes of an eagle.  I could feel the strength of outstretched wings effortlessly adjusting to the air in a masterful, consummate act of  flight.  Flying like an eagle is really cool - trust me - but I was searching for something specific.  I caught a glimpse of the poles and hide along the bottom edge of a tipi and instantly fell away from the eagle awareness to find myself standing in front of the tipi.  There was a man waiting for me.

When I looked into his warm, expectant face, I found I knew him and had always known him.  We embraced with great affection and entered the tipi.  As we settled by the fire within, I said he would never believe it but I was a fat, white woman now, and both of us howled with laughter.  We could hardly stop laughing.  Not that there is anything wrong with fat white women, There was such delicious irony and infinite humor in that news.  (Sometimes when being a fat white woman in this lifetime is too damned hard, I remind myself how funny it is in certain circles and feel much better.)

I spent a long time in there with this man I know so well.  We talked about everything, but try as I might, I can not remember what was said.  I suspect that I recall every word at some level, but it is information meant to guide me as I make my way in this strange, dense and brief physical existence.  Some time I will return to that tipi and that man and exist only there again.

At a certain point I could feel an irresistible force pulling me back, but I struggled to stay.  It was beautiful there and comforting, and I was infinitely happy.  I had just enough time to thank the Indian man and ask if I could visit again.  He assured me I could visit him any time, but I have never been able to find my way back to him - yet.

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