Thursday, February 18, 2010

Get The Flock Outta Here

The largest chicken in my little flock is Junior the rooster. He is one half Partridge Cochin and one half Porcelain D'Uccle. He has been attacking the little hens for quite some time. It is a grave understatement to say they do not appreciate it. His courtship skills are non-existent. He is, in fact, a rapist. Well - he is an attempted rapist.

His artless attacks anger the little hens, and rightly so. If one succeeds in fending him off, another will chase him for good measure, aiming vicious pecks at his retreating tail feathers. For a short time, Junior took shelter from the incensed hens beside his father, the Evil Roo'. Just this week Evil started sparring with Junior over who will be the boss. I heard a collective sigh of relief from the ten little hens when their husband at last took steps to maintain his post.

Now that Evil Roo' is fighting for his job, the hens are even more outraged at Junior's adolescent overtures. They want the best man, as it were. They do not want to have anything to do with a scrub, a second stringer. This morning I noticed that every little hen was on the offense against Junior. Each hen flew up and attacked Junior if he so much as got within a foot of any of them.

Junior was so confounded that he did a few steps of the Cochin Tango - the goofy, rapid, side-stomping dance Cochin roosters do to warn everyone that someone really bad is on the block and they had better watch out! Junior was being pushed around and bullied by everyone in the flock this morning. Tenzing Norgay, the most dominant hen, was in no mood for Junior's masculine demands - especially that stupid rooster dance - and tore into him with outstretched neck, wings held menacingly, and a battle cry every angry female creature in the universe understands. Junior knew he better get the flock outta there - or ELSE!

The flock has spoken.


cyberkit said...

When will the DVD video be out?

cyberkit said...

(One of my all-time favorites)

There's this a farmer with a good sized chicken coop and an old
rooster who's been king of the yard for quite a while. Against all odds, the rooster has defended his flock against all challengers.
One day the farmer brings home a big, young, healthy rooster.
The young rooster goes right up to the old rooster and proclaims, "Your days are numbered old man."
So the old rooster says, "I'm not lookin' for any trouble, just let
me have one hen, and I'll go live in the corner, and you won't
ever hear a peep from me."
The young rooster replies, "No!"
The old rooster says, "Let me live up on the farmer's porch and
you'll never see me again."
Once again the young rooster says "NO!"
So the old rooster challenges the young rooster to a race, three
times around the yard.
"The winner stays, the loser goes."
The young rooster sizes up the old guy and, feeling full of himself, agrees to the race. The Old rooster, asks for a head
start since he's so much older. The young rooster knows he can
take the old geezer in a long race, so agrees. The old rooster
takes off running as fast as he can. The young rooster gives him
a 20 foot or so head start then tears after him. Round and round
they go, through the yard, past the house with the young rooster rapidly gaining ground. Each time they approach the house the old rooster starts carrying on, feathers flying making all kinds of noises. Just as they pass the front porch for the last time, there's a deafening blast as the young rooster is blasted into shreds.
The farmer, lowering his shotgun, turns to his wife and says, "I'll
be damned, that's the third queer rooster I've bought this month!

Li'l Ned said...

omigosh Jackie, we need a live videocam feed out there! I know I've been promising to visit you in Kansas 'someday' but the day may come a lot sooner than I ever expected -- I've gotta see these chicks in person. hahahahahahaha