Monday, February 1, 2010

Monster Creature Captured on Film

Loch Ness is the home of Nessie, the elusive water creature that scientists around the world continue to search for irrefutable proof of its existence. The Northwestern United States is home to the infamous Big Foot that modern science can not prove exists, but not from lack of trying. Roswell, New Mexico is the site of the unfortunate crashed extraterrestrials whose existence is vehemently denied by the United States Air Force to this day. In Kansas, we have the fabled mountain lions secretly released at sites all over the state by that bastion of espionage, the Kansas Fish and Game Department.

Few people know it but Kansas also harbors another monster. Recently, in the early morning hours I spotted the most feared Kansas creature: a white tail deer. I captured this creature's existence on film. This vile animal is hated, hunted, poached and constantly attacked with speeding vehicles. Just a few months ago, the Kansas City police snipers and their crack swat team shooters killed hundreds of these dangerous creatures. The claim was the deer had been terrorizing the good citizens, tourists, and homeless people in a park of that grand city.

Deer that adapt to city life are apparently vampires, which is why the city fathers approved them as living sniper targets. With over 700 vampire deer slated for death, it was invaluable practice for those mighty gunslingers whose real job is to shoot and kill human beings. It was a win-win situation.

I can tell by the glowing eyes of this fearsome beast that it is a vampire deer. It must have escaped the Kansas City slaughter.

Right click on the photo and select "open link in new window" in order to see this monster in detail.


Li'l Ned said...

Yikes. Better tie up the Dukester and hide the chickens. This beast is not from earth. In fact, it resembles the evil Go-a'uld aliens on Stargate.

BTW we have these evil things in Oregon too. They graze through neighborhood gardens, munching roses and decimating the veggies. Not knowing they were aliens from another galaxy/vampires, and thinking they are just common mule deer, I have been referring to them erroneously as f-----ing bambis. As in "those f----ing bambis are in the yard again!!!!".

My sweetheart will tell you I am the most mild-mannered of people when it comes to loving the plants, birds, even spiders (which I am afraid of) I find in my garden. But deer? He has forbidden me to say anything negative about them. So I must curse in private. And dash out the door, yelling and brandishing whatever noise-making tool I can find on the spur of the moment when I see them in MY garden.

However, like you I lament the practice of 'cullings' you mention here. Far better, I say, to release a few dozen cougars in the 'hood and let 'em clean up the problem monsters. What does it matter if they also snack on a few small dogs or children? Far better than allowing these monsters to proliferate and terrorize the citizenry in their own city parks!?

Jackie said...

Point well taken. But Li'l Ned, I think you have Biker Chick Tendencies.... F***ing Bambis?!! You have no idea how hard I've been laughing over your comments!

I can not print what I call the mice who insist on peeing on everything in my home.... even a Biker Chick probably wouldn't say those things out loud! lol

Li'l Ned said...

Well, yes, mice are actually far worse. Demon spawn leaking through from yet another galaxy, disguised as some of the cutest little buggers on the planet. Even with 3 cats, we had them sneaking into the house, until we discovered and plugged the last tiny entrance holes. It sounds like in your house that is impossible.

Mice are quite disgusting, once you learn how they DO actually pee all over everything (having no stops on their bladder, I don't know why). Maybe a few pet gopher snakes, trained to stay on premise?

As for being a biker chick, the only bike I ride is powered by moi. However, my protective maternal rage towards beings that threaten my garden and home surprises even me sometimes. If only I had Greek goddess powers, there would be some zotted deer littering the streets around here PDQ. I might have to take out a few pesky wandering dogs too. tsk tsk.

Jackie said...

I think mice evolved to pee constantly in order to leave a trail so when they are killed by natural predators or by Victor Snap Traps, their 3 billion kin can find the way to the food and shelter they've vacated. I need a new foundation but saving money toward a new home entirely. I'm hoping they can build the new home on solid concrete five feet high...

Messing around with your garden is grounds for thunderbolts, I understand.