Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Oh My God


One of the worst things about attempting to live without poisonous chemicals is that nature does not seem to realize there are boundaries that are not to be crossed. I can live with a few spiders, but oh... my... God!

As I was getting into the shower without my glasses, a big black blurry X caught my eye. I had no idea what it was so I leaned in close - WAY too close.

Here is when being an old person served me in good stead. If I had been thirty years younger I might have touched it first and sight inspected it later - if my heart was still beating, that is. Sometimes old people know what the hell they are doing.

This spider was too big to kill. Probably only women understand that statement.

What if I tried to smash it and missed? The wicked thing would leap three feet through the air and viciously attack me. Even if I did not die of its poison I would die of fright.

The spider remained motionless for over 24 hours and then disappeared. It was "harrible - just harrible" as my daughter says.

6 comments:

Li'l Ned said...

Holy shit. I might have to move to another house ..... county ..... state ...... country ...... planet ..... after finding a spider like that in my shower. The fact that it 'disappeared' would make me more worried than relieved. What if it is inside your toilet? towels? underwear drawer? I think the longest extension on the vacuum cleaner would have been my choice, nakedness notwithstanding. Honestly, if we never hear from you again, we will know the arachnidae won, and your shriveled body is hanging in a cocoon in some dark cave, somewhere in Mordor. Aiiieeeeee!

Jackie said...

LOL! I've sucked spiders to their death before. I was just TOO FREAKED out by this big unit! I need a Hobbit to protect me from these creatures.

cyberkit said...

My too big to kill rules are divided by method, with the largest category being dispatched by the vacuum cleaner. However, if I'd seen what you did, I'd have to move until the Orkin man was able to give me a guarantee (under penalty of death) that the house was arachnid free.

I don't even like having your damned photo in my house.

me plus three said...

if you dont kill them when you see them, they just go hide in places you would raher not find them!!! Next time kill it lol!

cyberkit said...

By the way, such things are precisely why we guys leave toilet seats up. If we're going to sit, we can be assured there are no surprises. If all we're going to do is pee (and there's a spider) then we've got a target.

(I dare you to leave the seat down now)

Jackie said...

Cyberkit, that manly target method of dispatching spiders has to square with Li'l Ned's longest extension rule...