Valentine Day Memories

Remember what a big deal valentine day was in school? Someone's mother always sent sugar cookies... oh my gosh, those were delicious cookies! Everyone decorated a box or an envelope or a little paper bag so all the classmates could give valentines to one another. There was a list of all the children in the class so no one was left out.

My first valentine day was first grade, the country school so small there was no kindergarten. First through eighth grades, two teachers, one of whom doubled as the principal. We were to make our own "baskets" at home so two sheets of beautiful red construction paper was sent with me after school. My mother "helped" me. She actually did all the work, carefully drawing a perfect heart shape and cutting them evenly, using almost the whole of each sheet. Then she made a series of even slits around the outside of the heart and wove a beautiful white ribbon through to hold the sides together. The ribbon was tied into an artful bow at the top and my valentine holder was complete. It was beautiful! I could not wait to take it to school the next day.

Our teacher fastened each creation on a cord in the classroom, hung low enough that first graders could reach to place our valentines in them later. Mine was far and away the most perfect heart, the largest, the most beautiful creation hanging on that cord! Every other project was either made by a classmate or their mother was no more artistic than they were! The other baskets were lopsided, clumsily cut out and sloppily pasted together. The lettering was childish and smudged or illegible. My mother's creation alone was perfect. Pristine. Red and white. So beautiful with the graceful bow of white ribbon. I was absolutely certain that mine would be chosen as the best one. When it did not win, I was crushed for my mother! How dare they not choose her spectacular artwork, so obviously better than every other one! I felt so bad about it that I did not want to tell her. I was so concerned for her feelings! Now I suppose the reason it was not chosen as the best one was because clearly I did not make it or decorate it or really have anything to do with it. But I was still so proud of it.

Remember those packages of valentines your mother would buy for you every year? I would sit at the kitchen table with my brother, going through every single valentine in that package to find the absolute perfect one for each classmate. If I did not like someone, that person got the valentine with the skunk on it. When I got the skunk valentine from someone else, I knew exactly what was going on! Sometimes the valentine itself was so stupid that I did not want to give it to anyone but in order to have a valentine for everyone I would have to use it. I would give that stupid valentine to the kid I liked the least. It was a really big deal to me to get the right valentine matched with the right kid as far as how well I liked or disliked someone! So, for people who know me now, who know I am an opinionated asshole, trust me, I was born this way. It is simply in my DNA.

Valentine's day became a lot more complicated when I began to like boys in earnest. The complications persisted through serious boyfriends and even husbands. I have been free from the tyranny of this awful holiday for many years now. I do not have to choose the perfect valentine for each friend and thank God for that. I do not have to pretend to like some guy's idea of what the perfect valentine gift is. Honestly, the best valentine and Mother's Day gifts I ever received were chrome parts for my Harley! Now THAT was the way to my heart!

For all the people who are suffering through the surprises and disappointments of this celebrated, expensive day of "love", best of luck to you. I am out!

Of Course...

I am assuming this is from the Hubble website, though I have not taken the time to verify it.

If I have ever run across the term "solar noon", I surely do not recall it. It refers to the moment the sun's apparent position in the sky crosses an imaginary line of longitude locally, which is not necessarily noon on local clocks. I had simply never thought about it but of course it would be relative. I continued to read and discovered that the earth's spin itself is not precisely constant due to the shape of the earth's orbit, which also is not precise and constant. Humans have normalized the year, the day, noon and even time itself. That started me thinking again about the nature of numbers. We evolved numbers when we settled into agrarian societies so we could equitably exchange our goods. Taxing the population boosted the evolution of numbers and arithmetic. Numbers prove various geometries and physics in reality and in theory. Numbers provided Einstein a language to express and to prove the theory of relativity. Now we have evolved numbers all the way into quantum theories of fantastical and amazing possibilities. What is it about numbers that they can accurately express features of reality? How do numbers allow us to plumb the depth of physical reality?

Numbers must be the "language" of physical reality. We use them to measure speed, motion, distance, time, weight, light, gravity in the physical and use them to calculate possibilities - kinetic energy, rate of growth of all manner of things, rates of decay and decline. These are things that have not happened yet but we can use numbers to accurately determine what will happen in the future, or what is most likely to happen. And, as a species, we are so damned good at numbers that we can launch a spacecraft from earth, hurtling through space full of imperfect orbits and imperfect rates of travel and accurately land that spacecraft on a tiny asteroid also hurtling through space, also likely not traveling at a perfectly constant speed. If you honestly think about this for a few minutes, it is unbelievable - or highly improbable - and goddamned amazing.

What is the true nature of numbers? I have been thinking on this for a long time. It is a zen puzzle. What do numbers tell me about the nature of reality? I can follow the idea of numbers as far as simple equivalencies, that is, one sheep = one finger on the shepherd's hand. I can theoretically understand how numbers can represent massive, complex physical forces such as a nuclear explosion or a black hole. What I cannot grasp is HOW numbers allow us to know these things or WHY numbers can be extrapolated into quantum theories. That is a very, very long way from a shepherd keeping track of his flock!

The next question is what is the nature of our human consciousness that we can even entertain these theories and ideas in the first place? Did we invent numbers so we could understand the physical universe, or did we evolve to the point of recognizing numbers as the formulas of physical reality?

From there I fall into the rabbit hole of relativity - and I do not mean Einstein's theory (proven in our lifetime thanks to astrophysics.) I mean mundane things like putting on my necklace. The pendant is hanging on a chain that forms a circle which theoretically-speaking has no beginning or end. It seems illogical then that the pendant will always face outward no matter how I place it over my head. If I open the circle and put the pendant on "backwards", then it will always face inward regardless of where it hangs relative to my neck. It is not rocket science and I know how to make sure the pendant always faces outward. What kills me is that while I cannot turn the circle of the necklace inside out or put it on backward, the pendant still maintains it relative position to the theoretical center of the circle. It is the same necklace even if I take it off, lay it in a straight line and pull the ends together in a different direction. Whether I put the pendant on the chain face up or face down dictates whether it faces outward or inward relative to my body and relative to the theoretical center of the circle EXCEPT if I take gravity out of the equation. So, what is the relative moment here? What precisely determines whether my necklace hangs correctly or incorrectly? Gravity? Whether I am standing on my head or standing on my feet. Easy to say it is when I slide the pendant on face up and forget about gravity. But then I think about the fact that the pendant itself spins in a circle around the axis of the chain, forward and backward, as well as along the length of the chain now an infinite circle. It seems counter intuitive to me!

I think perhaps this is how multiple universes can be nested together in the same space. If I entered a universe consisting of the infinite circle with the pendant facing outward relative to the theoretical center of the circle and with a constant force pulling the pendant downwards, nothing different could ever happen, no matter what. The pendant would always face away from the center when constant gravity pulls it . To change it, either the constant force of gravity could be suspended or made opposite, or the circle would have to be broken apart, the pendant turned 180 degrees relative to the line and the circle reformed and then a universe with the pendant facing inward exists. Or maybe there are multiple pendants on the chain, some facing inward and some facing outward, some with a constant force causing them to hang up or down, depending. Though they travel the same circle, they are not aware of the fundamental differences of neighboring pendants. Maybe they are even theoretically aware of other pendants but everything is backward or opposite and so cannot be seen, only theorized.

And sometimes I even go further down the rabbit hole in this thinking, wondering about the relative force of gravity pulling something up or down (or in any direction). What markers would indicate a direction? In this case, it is the pendant relative to the theoretical center of the circle. Without the pendant, it would not matter and likely no one in that universe would notice. If the pendant was identical on both sides it would not matter and no one would notice.

This is why understanding "relativity" is such a monumental achievement, in my small necklace-wearing mind...

Winter!

Rare photos of a brutal ceremony to end winter.  

Oh, it is cold today at ye olde farmstead! Due to an unfortunate juncture of genes (knees) and a dismaying lack of will power (steak and gravy) and age (old) I have one speed when tending the horses: 1 CCTf. That is, 1 Chore Completion Timeframe. On a brutally cold day like today, with the wind blowing down the long slope to the north, I operate at maximum locomotive rate but even Jake gets tired of waiting for me. That rate is only minimally faster than normal - probably need an atomic clock to discern the difference. I dread going out but it has to be done. Once there, it is not so bad. It is invigorating, but that brutal wind takes my breath away. It is so cold that Ginger does not even pace or paw the ground in impatience. Trust me, that is cold.

I have insulated work boots and a pair of hunters socks I got at the farm store a few days ago. My work gloves were left at the barn when Ginger was ailing and only one glove was found, full of horse manure and mud. (Even gloves have a lifespan.) The new leather gloves dye my hands Caterpillar yellow. (Come on, China! Just try!) The piece de resistance is the Carhart ball cap with ear flaps. It is insulated. I look sooooooooo stupid, but I have to say, those hats are magnificently utilitarian! The bill keeps the sun out of my eyes. The flaps holds my hair over my ears and they do not freeze. When I take it off, my hair is not full of electricity. I have tried stocking caps and scarves over the years, but this hat is perfect. It is easy on, easy off. I just look as dumb as box of rocks. Animals are not given to making fun of human beings, so it all works out.

The new corral is great! The grain buckets are on the new fence, so I pour their grain first. That gives me plenty of time to get up the hill without horses jostling me, or Wally getting too close to Ginger causing a minor horse quarrel with me in the middle. By the time they are ready for hay, it is all served up south of the hay stack, mostly out of the wind. The very best part is that finally, after all of these years, there is a tank heater for their water. I do not have to chop ice every single day, twice a day. They have liquid water to drink 24 hours! I am sure I will swoon when I see the electricity bill but it will be worth every cent. I have chopped hundreds of gallons of ice out of the tanks over the years. One time I had to call my son for help because an icy snow glacier formed instead of simple ice. I could not break it apart with an axe nor a sledge. He was 26 or 27, and he had to work at it. Otherwise, I would have had to carry buckets of water up the hill. I cannot do that any more - not in cold weather. Probably not in any weather.

Even though it is difficult, I enjoy the winter for its clean, clear skies and the fresh winds. There will come a day in a few weeks when the wind will come out of the south and I will be able to smell the humidity of the warm ocean. I will know spring is on its way to Kansas then.

(Photos taken from the Chive who stole them from some other site.)

Get Pretty and John Deer and the Honorable Y Chromosome - All in One Place!

Pretty girl!  No longer ill, and definitely not paralyzed nor with a back injury!  

My beloved little red mare on her feet and beautiful as ever! I am thankful she is well again. You cannot imagine how much I would miss her bossy attitude and her demanding ways. She simply will not brook any foolishness. I wish I could ride her - wish I was supple and strong and physically confident the way I once was. She would have been a perfect horse for me. I am simply glad to have her now. Maybe she was a queen in a former life and reincarnated as a horse that would have to tote humans around to balance her karma. Instead, she is queen once again. All she has to do is eat, sleep and boss Wally and me around. Good work, if you can get it.

John Deere Gate!  Niiiiice!

Of course I wanted a real farm. I wanted to recreate that time in my life when my mother and father were alive, when they were young and busy with life. I wanted to have a barn with a hay mow, and horses, just like when my grandparents were alive and happy and busy tending to the work at hand. Life was once yellow and golden, slow and sweet, surrounded by a large family I loved and who loved me in return. I was safe and cared for and looked after. Those times were torn asunder when my father died and from that day forward, it was one enormous loss after another, in some manner or fashion. And then I was responsible - for everything. For raising my children and paying taxes and buying tires and going to work and dealing with all the responsibilities of adulthood. Instead of cousins, my kids had day care. We did not live five miles from their grandparents. They never went fishing with their grandfathers. I took them fishing but it was not the same. So... I grew up, bought some land and got the horses and the tall grass and a goddamned set of John Deere gates! Close enough.

Look at this!  Notice that there is a stack of missing junk - a missing big pile of huge logs - a missing assortment of limbs and other detritus - and missing trash cans?  More man power happened!

I have often extolled the virtue of the mighty Y chromosome. It is what causes men to grow into handsome humans of the male gender. They do amazing things that womenfolk swoon over, like saw big trees into firewood. Build fences. Own and operate expensive machinery that tames the wild prairie. They heal big animals and small. They build houses and barns and posses amazing knowledge of furnaces and electric switches and car engines. And the best thing of all, if they can not fix something with their intellect, they are strong enough to "manhandle" a beast or machine or a problem into submission! So... yes, beginning with B cleaning out the old garage with 18 years of junk and in it - with my son and my good friend K hauling a ton of junk off - it ended with the fence guy coming back to saw downed limbs and carry them to a huge burn pile and cleaning up the last of the trash. I like looking out the front window again! Of course, NOW all I can see is the work still needed on the old garage building. It needs a new garage door installed and a new door on the north end. It needs new boards under the roof replaced, too. It will require a LOT more Y Chromosome!