I do not remember now how I discovered the existence of Justin Halpern and his hilarious father, but I am so glad I did. Justin recently published a book entitled "Sh*t My Dad Says". Yes, that is the true title!
Mr. Halpern is an outspoken, eccentric, highly intelligent man who simply speaks his mind. His son, Justin, began twittering quotes of his father to a few friends. Then scores of people were following, then several hundred, then thousands, then kablooey - internet famous!
Here are a few of my favorite quotes from the book: "Sh*t My Dad Says" by Justin Halpern, copyright 2010
"Gore seems kind of like a pompous prick, but every time I see Bush I feel like he's probably shit his pants in the last year, and it's something he worries about."
"We're having fish for dinner... Fine, let's take a vote. Who wants fish for dinner?...Yeah, democracy ain't so fun when it fucks you, huh?"
"The dog is not bored. It's not like he's waiting for me to give him a fucking Rubik's Cube. He's a goddamned dog."
On Bob Saget's Demeanor While Hosting America's Funniest Home Videos:"Remember that face. That's the face of a man who hates himself."
His parents, to Justin:
"You always got us. We're family. We ain't going anywhere. Unless you go on a fucking killing spree or something."
"I would still love you, Justy. I would just want to know why you did it," my mom said earnestly, having gotten back into the car and rolled down her window.
When I read the quote about Gore and Bush, I was in the book store alone, and I could not stop laughing. It was embarrassing.