Sto͞o′pĭd) adj. stu·pid·er, stu·pid·est. 1. Slow to learn or understand; obtuse

There are times I catch myself being amazingly stupid. I was going to hang a framed photo on the wall yesterday. The frame came with a cheap backing that had little rings in the corners. I was thinking, "Dang, that is is going to be difficult getting the measurements for two nails to be the precise distance apart, and level, and the backing will not hold that heavy frame for long!" I realized my stupidity before I put holes in the walls. I hung the photo today with the normal hardware. Stupid, but it could happen to anyone. Sometimes we simply do not use the appropriate area of the brain for problem solving. Other times we are genuinely stupid and there is no excuse.

My house has hardwood floors, a much cleaner way to live in the country, except my "new" vacuum cleaner does not suck the dust off the floor! I have been cussing that vacuum cleaner for more than FIVE YEARS! I have often consoled myself with researching the best vacuums for hardwood flooring. Because it is a new machine, I have not been emotionally prepared to buy another one anytime soon. The dust mop does not work well either due to the texture of the wood. I live with less than clean floors until I can not stand it any longer then I use a wet mop. Sometimes I get on hands and ruined knees with a damp cloth and a bucket of clear water, which is excruciating and I greatly dread it. This has been going on for five years and five months. Something or someone recently took pity on me, probably my female ancestors who simply could not tolerate my stupidity any longer. They intervened and lo, I taketh unto my hand a broom and sweepeth the dust of the earth from the corners of the hearth and there was rejoicing. A BROOM - the oldest housekeeping tool known to primates! There is a damn good reason why brooms are still in use: they work - like magic!

Stupider.

(Out of respect for my children, I will not commit my stupidest to the internet.)

I knew my daughter would have a good stupid photo of  me on Facebook ...

Are You Dreaming Or Are You Driving to Work?

But, soft!  What light through yonder window breaks?

Oh, it is the East, and ... it's a giant cow?!

WHAAAAAT?

Laughing now - look at the size of that udder!

I am taking bad photos at 65 mph - like everyone else!

I passed, but a mile later the cow blew past me in a big hurry, only to hit the brakes.

Travel safely, ol' Bossy (name of countless family milk cows).

My exit.  I had to turn off and go to work.  I could not follow the giant cow to her destination, darn it.

Notice in photos 2 and 3, the red and black cars are too far left because they are taking photos with their phones. I happened to have my digital camera with me. I pointed and clicked, hoping for the best. I knew I would tell people about this, but truly, 8 photos are worth eight thousand words.

I miss my good friend Cyberkit. He would have been delighted with this minor absurdity. He would have posted several puns. Try as I might, I can think of none...

I found the Turkey Hill Giant Cow web site: Giant Cows.  She is 13 feet and weighs two tons. She has three sisters, and you can win a visit from one for your birthday! They apparently hail from the Pennsylvania area. I read on their web page that whenever the giant cow travels past a pasture containing cows, they invariably follow along. They must think it is the Supreme Cow arrived at last to lead them to the Promised Pasture.

Post script:  I woke up this morning with a message from Cyberkit:  "She's on the moooooove!"
And from my nephew:  "That's a mooving violation!"

Merry Christmas

Where's Wallo?

It was a beautiful Christmas Day, such a pleasant day that I thought I would take some special photos of my horses, specifically the one who takes herself very seriously. I could only get a single photo - and it is a bad one. No matter what I did to entice her, Ginger refused to look at the camera again. She knew.

Peace on Earth and Good Will Toward (Some) Men

From the Critters and the Crazy Woman at Spirit Creek

The Vacation of Disappointment and Despair

My adult children attempted to bicycle across the corn field that is Iowa last week.  They were greatly disappointed in themselves when they could not complete the full route.  I was still proud of them.  They gave it the old college try.  They were not well equipped for long distance nor were they in the top physical conditioning needed for such a grueling trip, and the hot weather was literally a killer.  The good news is that I spent a lot of time with them and we had a lot of fun.  Though we were financed and equipped only for camping for the entire week, we managed to spend a couple of nights in air conditioned comfort.  We ate well and slept well and traveled well, though a dark pall of great disappointment shrouded the party despite brave attempts to cheer up when we drove away from the bike route in utter defeat.

Both of my kids have those incredible phones loaded with technology and GPS and access to the world wide web.  For most of the trip we instantly found what we needed to know.  There were so many thousands of people participating in the Register’s Annual Great Bicycle Ride Across Iowa (RAGBRAI) that almost no one's cell phone worked.  When we most needed to be able to communicate with each other, we could not.  All was not lost because the Iowa bike event was an experience unlike anything else. Thousands of people ride and party and enjoy themselves. Many groups arrive in old school buses refitted for hauling people and equipment. Most have named their buses, my favorite being "The Wasted Potential". 

Once it was clear that neither of my kids could continue the ride, an emergency alternate plan was formed.  We decided to visit the Omaha zoo and aquarium.  Though it was a great idea, the zoo held a major life disappointment and milestone for me.  My right knee is in such bad shape that I can no longer walk more than about a hundred yards without excruciating pain.  I have ignored this problem for as long as I can possibly ignore it.  Even a stubborn ass like myself must sometimes face reality.  Walking through the zoo would be physically impossible.  I either stayed at the motel or I rented a scooter.  So, the old Harley rider, the girl who could run 100 yards faster than any other girl on her high school track team, the woman who could dance all night, rented an electric scooter and joined the ranks of the partially disabled impairing America's general progress and interfering with the national chi.

In a word, it was terrible.  At first.  I was humiliated and ashamed to be riding a wimpy scooter like an old woman - like a lazy person - like a fool.  But after about ten minutes, it was fun because I was comfortable.  I had to be careful not to run into anyone, especially children who surged around the scooter, innocently oblivious to the possibility of being run over by a crazy woman.  My daughter hitched a ride on the arm several times even though the zoo official warned no one else was allowed to ride.  The zoo was worth the humiliation of the scooter.  We truly enjoyed the whole day.

My kids were great.  The path to the rhinoceros pens was very steep and I had been warned to not attempt riding the scooter into that area.  I was going to walk, leaving the scooter at the bottom of the hill but my kids insisted they could get the scooter up the hill.  One on either side, using the scooter's own power, they pushed it up the hill.  I limped along behind, hoping the battery did not fail, causing the heavy scooter to roll down the hill over me.  The care and concern my children showed to me that entire day was unprecedented and greatly appreciated.  It took the terrible sting out of renting the scooter... and paid me back for all of their teenaged years.  It was that wonderful.

On the final leg of the trip home, we stopped to eat at the Potawatomi casino - until we saw those prices on the menu!  We decided to play the penny slots instead.  I put $5 in my slot machine and promptly won $39.00!  Seated at the machine next to me, my son won almost $70.  My daughter won .90.  Not bad for twenty minutes work and a $15 investment.  It will help finance my knee replacement.

Our Transpotation

Rolling Out at Dawn Full of Hope

One of the Party Buses

The Agony of  Defeat

My Progeny

RAGBRAI 2013!

From the 'Why Bother' File

The National Geographic Channel is free this month with my television satellite subscription. I usually enjoy the programs on this channel but sometimes disturbing information is shown. Yesterday I watched a program about three people who are each convinced they are Jesus returned.

One poor guy has no followers whatsoever. No one believes him. One guy is a former Christian minister from the Philippines who claims millions of followers around the world. He flies around in the sacred helicopter and lives in palatial surroundings and apparently all of his followers are beautiful and whole. The original Jesus never had it so good! The third guy wears white robes and seems terribly angelic.

Do we really think Jesus would have to announce to the world he is back? Would he have to wander the world barefoot without a single follower, or fly around in a helicopter and accept tithes in the millions of dollars? Would he really wear white robes and walk around like a ghost?

Why would these three people deserve a National Geographic program about them? I guess it is true that you get what you pay for.

Belly Laughs (Warning - Adult Language)

I do not remember now how I discovered the existence of Justin Halpern and his hilarious father, but I am so glad I did. Justin recently published a book entitled "Sh*t My Dad Says". Yes, that is the true title!

Mr. Halpern is an outspoken, eccentric, highly intelligent man who simply speaks his mind. His son, Justin, began twittering quotes of his father to a few friends. Then scores of people were following, then several hundred, then thousands, then kablooey - internet famous!

Here are a few of my favorite quotes from the book: "Sh*t My Dad Says" by Justin Halpern, copyright 2010

"Gore seems kind of like a pompous prick, but every time I see Bush I feel like he's probably shit his pants in the last year, and it's something he worries about."

"We're having fish for dinner... Fine, let's take a vote. Who wants fish for dinner?...Yeah, democracy ain't so fun when it fucks you, huh?"

"The dog is not bored. It's not like he's waiting for me to give him a fucking Rubik's Cube. He's a goddamned dog."

On Bob Saget's Demeanor While Hosting America's Funniest Home Videos:"Remember that face. That's the face of a man who hates himself."

His parents, to Justin:
"You always got us. We're family. We ain't going anywhere. Unless you go on a fucking killing spree or something."

"I would still love you, Justy. I would just want to know why you did it," my mom said earnestly, having gotten back into the car and rolled down her window.


When I read the quote about Gore and Bush, I was in the book store alone, and I could not stop laughing. It was embarrassing.