Vengeance is Mine, Sayeth Evil Roo

Evil Roo has started parking his evil little body just to the right of the screen door and waiting for me to exit my safe harbor. He is smart enough to stay to the right, where he is protected by the opening door. He carefully calculates the odds of attacking me as I walk away from him, the sneak attack from behind being his favorite tactic. I have started staring him down until he begins his Cool Hand Luke stroll off the porch. It irritates me to no end that this little bully thinks he can boss me around. He leaves poop all over the porch, and so do his wives. Today, when he reached the steps, I hooked my toe under his rear and launched him toward the grass. I need to act like the dominant predator here - show him who rules this farm.

He squawked and beat his wings and fluffed his neck, then strutted around as if he had meant to go flying off those steps. I confidently walked on by, turning my back on him, demonstrating the greatest disdain for him as my enemy. He would not dare mess with me again.

Less than a minute later, while I was standing on the far side of my truck, with the door open, rummaging around for the fuel filter replacement for my lawn tractor, that evil little genius calmly walked under the truck and blindly attacked my legs! He actually drew blood. I took several photos of my bleeding leg, but if I were to post them, it would only make people pity me and laugh instead of garnering sympathy. It just looks like a scratch in the photos.

I have bonged him with the feed pan several times this week, slapped him out of the air with my hand. I genuinely do not want to hurt him because I grudgingly admire him. He has machismo. My species have put to death billions of his brothers before him. He is carrying an entire species' vengeance toward the human race but I am tired of being his only target.