The Royal Wedding or Maury

I wish I could give up television. When I was young, I could not watch television for weeks. I could live quite happily without a television in the house. Now that I am old and weak, I have tried to go without television, canceling the satellite subscription. It was like giving up cigarettes. All I could think of for days and days was watching television.

If I did not have television, I would not have to change the channel each time news of the royal wedding came on, which has been constantly, for weeks and weeks. I have nothing against English royalty or the handsome young prince marrying his true love. I hope the very best for the young couple, and their respective families, and for all Brits everywhere. I hope that by the time the young prince is King, the world will be a kinder, gentler place for all inhabitants of planet earth. But I will be so happy when the royal wedding is off television in America, at least another two or three weeks. Then instead of avoiding the Royal Wedding, I will be back to channel surfing to get away from drug companies touting their latest poison during prime time and the liability attorneys advertising the class action suits on behalf of the victims of those same drugs during sub-prime time.

My television addiction has reached such a low point that I admit I have watched Maury, a show that features young women angrily accusing a variety of men of being the father of their illegitimate children, and the young men vehemently denying the children. DNA tests put it all to rest - or not. I have also watched Judge Mathis, Judge Judy, Judge Joe Brown, and Judge Alex. I have a big crush on Judge Joe Brown. He seems like a wise, contemplative man who is not racist or sexist, but why would a wise man have a day time judge show? Judge Mathis has some decidedly racial bias, and Judge Judy is an old fool. Judge Alex seems to be a smart enough guy and appears to have a compassionate good humor toward the steady stream of liars and dumb asses who come before his bench. He was a cop at one time. Maybe the petty grievances he presides over now for television are a breeze compared to what he once dealt with on a daily basis. This comparison is pathetic and illustrates the desperate level of my television addiction!

It gets worse.

I also watch Swamp People. I love hearing the nuances in the southern dialects of the Cajun folk who hunt alligators for a living. Several of the hunting teams are father and son. I have to say the toughest guy, in a host of truly tough guys, is Willie. He is the son of one of the best 'gator hunters, so he has a lot at stake as a man to live up to his father's expectations. But Willie only weighs 150 pounds. Standing in a low boat, in the swamp,with his bare hands on thin rope, he pulls eleven foot, thrashing, primordial 'gators to the surface and close to the boat. Some of those beasts weigh over 700 pounds. He puts up with his father's bossing and bad temper. He has been hit with shattered alligator skull more than once thanks to his father's badly aimed shots. The father does not have nearly the good eye for aiming as Willie. A small 'gator clamped down on Willie's hand this season. In my opinion, his father did not seem to be in any hurry to help his son. If there was an award for the toughest man in all of America, my vote would go the Willie the 'gator hunter, all 150 pounds of him.

Here is the worst confession of all. Sometimes when I can not sleep and nothing is worth watching on the other 119 channels, I watch Gem Television - the absolute worst television anyone could possibly watch. It is the television addict's equivalent of the street junkie, homeless and living in a dumpster from fix to miserable fix. There are no commercials because it is one big commercial of goofy, irritating people selling over-priced and mostly ugly jewelry for thousands of dollars. I admit that if I had money to burn, I would purchase a tanzanite ring or necklace. It is a blue gem stone, more beautiful than sapphires, a deep cobalt blue, usually surrounded by white diamonds and unbelievably expensive. Also unbelievably beautiful. Luckily for me, I do not have $22,000 to waste on a piece of jewelry. But if I ever win the lottery....

Well, it is that time. I must travel to the cube farm again today. I do not know if I can stand the happiness and joy in my life but at least the Royal Wedding is over!