Broken Glasses

The titanium frames of my eyeglasses gave way unexpectedly two weeks ago. I was driving on the interstate when I felt something in my hair but thought it must have been a bobby pin falling. Later I discovered that the left ear piece had simply broken and fallen. Somehow it made it through my hair, past the generous [ahem] curves of my body onto the floor of the car. The entire episode was a little strange, if you want to know the truth.

At noon that day I took the glasses to the office where I had purchased them, hoping they could be mended, even temporarily. But the lady there could not. She could not even get a mismatched earpiece to work. She offered to send them to "the lab" if I did not mind a two week turn around time. I did mind. Without my glasses I am handicapped. I cannot see to read or write or brush my teeth. I can see well enough to drive and watch television, but anything close is impossible. Furthermore, I could not get in to see the doctor for a new prescription for almost three weeks! I was stuck wearing my glasses with one ear piece. At least there was that.

I tried to superglue the earpiece back, but it utterly failed. I had to travel to Tulsa, so I wore the glasses with one earpiece and suffered headaches because the glasses did not sit appropriately on my face. I was constantly adjusting them. Once again my utter lack of self-respect served me well. Wearing a lopsided pair of glasses enhances no woman's beauty.

When I returned home, I was determined to remedy this problem. First, I tore through every nook and cranny in the house looking for an old pair of glasses. I distinctly recall gathering up four or five pairs and packing them in a box for Good Will when I moved, but I do not remember saving one pair in case of emergency. I thought surely I was intelligent enough to save one pair but if I was, I was not smart enough to put that emergency pair where I could find them in an emergency. So, it was down to me and the superglue.

I assembled the tools: the glue and two tiny strips of indestructible plastic fabric cut from a feminine hygiene item. Squinting, with one eye closed, I placed tiny drops of glue on the lens and placed the first tiny strip of plastic on the lens. Then, I proceeded to glue my finger to the lens, to the ear piece, to my thumb. Eventually I blindly managed to glue the earpiece back to the lens, and then glue another strip of space-age plastic fabric over that. Amazingly, it worked. It is ugly and there is still glue on my finger but I can see.

Superglue Ugliness!