We Need a Deterrent for Assholes

 I want a magic gun that can be aimed at a person's mid-section.  When the trigger is pulled, that person automatically and unavoidably shits his or her pants.  That is the appropriate function of an asshole, isn't it?

I removed the flat front wheel on my lawn tractor and took it to Topeka to be repaired.  Easy as pie.  It was very straight forward:  three washers, a keeper ring and the rubber hub.  

I took it to PROFESSIONAL lawnmower people to repair the flat - because when the PROFESSIONALS "fixed" it at the automotive tire store, it was flat as a flitter the next morning. The auto tire guys fixed it for free because they felt guilty cheating me on the road hazard deduction for the ruined tire they would not fix.    

After waiting two days I called the lawnmower shop to check if the tire was repaired.  I made another trip to town to pick it up.  I was so happy that I would finally mow again!  A long string of unfortunate events had prevented me from mowing for over a month! And, I really love driving my little tractor and keeping the place mowed.

I came home with my newly patched tire and attempted to put it on the tractor straight away.  I did not expect one hiccup.  It is easier than changing bike tires, or car tires, or truck tires, or motorcycle tires - all of which I have changed.  The problem came when I could not see where the keeper ring was supposed to go.

Long story short, the rim they returned was not the one I took to the shop.  The hub through the middle was far too wide, covering up almost the entire axle, even without the 3 washers.  It was too large in diameter to fit into the inner cup.  No matter what I did - whether I put the wheel on with the valve stem side in or out - whether I double-checked that the jack was not in the way - whether I tried to force it or not, the wheel did not fit on that axle.  

 A smarter person would have figured out the problem far sooner than I did.  After an embarrassing amount of time and sweat and enormous cussing, it finally dawned on me that it was the wrong rim.  If I get any slower, I will be a human slug.

I knew it was going to be irritating to deal with the people in the shop.  And it was.  First, a woman helped me.  She raised her eyebrows when I explained it was not the rim I brought in.  She went in the back and "warned" the guy who repaired it. I would have liked to have shot her with the magic Intestinal Evacuation Gun, but I knew there were going to be bigger guts to shoot before it was all over.  Besides, no need to escalate right off.  

I explained to the professional guy that it could not possibly be the rim I brought in, so he returned to the back to look around.  He came back and shrugged his shoulders.  Nothing back there.  He did not know what he could do for me.

I did NOT want to end up on TikTok "cussing and snortin' " as my mother would describe adults having tantrums in public. But my face was getting red.

I said, "Respectfully!  This is NOT the rim that came off my tractor!"  I am sure I was giving him the evil eye.  He towered over me but I think I could take him.  He certainly deserved the first shot to the gut.  If only.....

Another guy quickly appeared, and asked for the photos he had requested over the phone.  I handed him my phone but there was nothing that truly helped identify anything about the rim. Though I was able to determine for myself that it was probably the same tire.  He then started asking the man questions:  

"Sooooo, are these the photos of the other tire still on the tractor?"

[JESUS CHRIST!!!  NO!!!  I took all these photos of the wheel you are looking at on the counter right now!!!  Sarcasm.  I did not say it but I was thinking it.]

He gets the second shot, point blank, right in the ol' guts!

"And did you try putting it on from both sides of the rim?"

Since I did not have the magic gun, I said, "Listen, I rode my own Harley, and I could wrench on it.  I am not a fucking idiot!"

I was getting close to potentially being a Karen on TikTok, so I calmed down.  But, Jesus Christ!!!  I would have shot him with the Gut Gun about ten times right then.

He changed his tone a little bit.  

All that, and as I was driving home, I started to doubt myself.  Did I miss something?  Was that honestly my rim and I just missed something?  But there is nothing to miss.  Solid steel does not shapeshift in normal reality.  The axle is a simple thing.  I should have shot myself in the gut with the fantasy gun for letting men cause me to doubt myself.  

So... no mowing.  No tire.  No rim.  I already looked up replacements on the Sears Parts website and it is going to cost a small fortune to replace the hub, wheel and tube. Easily over $100, not including shipping and taxes. And, it is all on back order.  I already paid $37 for the mower shop to repair the tire and lose the rim.  

I should go ahead and order the parts because I have a feeling I will have them long before these assholes find the right rim. At least the one guy apologized but he was not sincere.  He needed one more blast from the Gut Evacuation Gun as I left the shop, for good measure.   

Addendum:  The shop where the wheel mix-up took place asked me to leave the tire/wheel with them when I took it back for not being the wheel that came off my tractor. I made them put a tag on it with my name.  I said I have no collateral if I leave it here. (Yes, I have been ripped off a time or two by men in shops - Harley shops, lawn mower shops, car garages.)

After numerous texts and photos and one discussion to "trouble-shoot" because I could not possibly know whether a tire fit my tractor or not, I went back to get the wheel.  The official judgement was there was a burr preventing the wheel from going on, though I said in text and in person that I had felt for a burr, or burrs, and there were none.  It was as if he did not hear me say that.

I took the washers that came off my tractor and made a little measuring stick so I would know for sure that it was going to go back on my tractor before I brought it home. The second wheel that was returned to me was darker gray, smaller, had far more grease and dirt on it than the first one they sent with me.  The washers fit and the stick measured appropriately, so I brought it home.  It fit perfectly back on to my tractor the way I expected it to - easy as pie.  I had the whole thing, greased, placed, keeper ring on and the new plastic hub on in less that 5 minutes. No burrs.  No forcing the wheel. No cussing or sweat in my eyes because it went on as easily as it came off.

I do not choose to believe that the guy I dealt with was lying.  He seemed very sincere.  But someone in that shop found my tire and returned it without saying anything.  No apologies for the mix up because there was none in that guy's mind.  This is what women deal with all the time!  

Though I am handicapped by being born with ovaries and by not being the smartest person on the planet, do you think, by looking at these photos, I should be able to readily tell if the wheel fit or not?