For Christ's Sake, man!

If you live long enough, you begin to think nothing will surprise you.  You tend to think you have seen or, at least, heard it all!  There may be nothing new under the sun but an old woman can still be taken entirely off guard.

There was a huge jungle of sumac growing around the barns.  A few plants are okay, but the few had, in one season, exploded into a seven feet tall forest crowding the barns. It was an eyesore.  Should the prairie catch fire here, nothing would save the "barns" with so much vegetation almost smothering the structures.  I decided to hire a man who advertised machinery and services needed.  

I left a message on the business phone and was happy when my phone call was returned the next day.  Even better, he came out later that day to take a look and discuss costs.  I was thrilled when he actually arrived the day after that and made fast work of several problem areas.  That level of customer service earns my sincere and appreciative loyalty to a company or service provider.

Our interactions had been friendly but polite and business appropriate, though he did ask quite a few personal questions.  It was a bit awkward, but I did not think too much of it because he seemed like a very nice person and I was entirely comfortable doing business with him.  He appeared to be my age.  . 

I had texted my address to him first so he could find my house.  We exchanged a few lines to verify the time.  We exchanged brief messages about the extreme heat and he asked how things looked after he was finished.  I thought that it was nice of him to follow up.

Entirely unexpectedly, I received a much later text saying that he had wanted to ask me something but had chickened out.  He was sure I would laugh at him and just tell him no. 

I have to admit that I was stunned.  It has been many, many years since any man has shown even a glimmer of interest in me other than as a friend.  I felt as if the worst thing possible had happened!  He seemed like a very nice person and I certainly did not want to hurt his feelings but I held NO interest toward him.  So, I did not respond.  Chickenshit of me, but the easiest for everyone involved.  He texted again, assuming I did not get the last text.

So... I considered.  I realized he had asked enough questions of me when he was here that he knew I was not married, that I bought this place and have improved it all on my own, that my kids were adults and doing well for themselves. (I cannot help but brag about my kids having college educations and Master's degrees!)  He had even found out that my ferocious German Shepherd is a big, hairy cupcake who wants nothing more than petting and attention from all human beings, strangers or not. 

I thought about how unbelievably difficult it would be for me to ask someone out for a cup of coffee at my age.  It would be painfully difficult and I would certainly feel as if that person would "laugh and just say no", too.  If nothing else, I did not want to be rude to such a nice person.

First things first.  I had to make sure he was not a crazy Trump supporter.  There are thousands of  them in Kansas.  It would be a deal breaker right out of the gate.  So, I finally texted "Well, if you were going to ask me if I was going to vote for Trump in 2024, I would have laughed and told you no."

He texted that no, he was not a Trump supporter either, and added that he chickened out asking me in person and he was sorry that he had not asked.

I was greatly relieved that he was not a Trumper but I was also thinking, "For Christ's sake, man.  You need to buck up!  We are not in junior high."  I was not going to make it easy.  He needed to ask.  

After another few irritating texts from him assuring me that he was sorry he chickened out, that he was certain I wanted nothing to do with an old man like him, blah, blah, blah, he finally got the courage to ask.    

No, he wasn't interested in having coffee with me, which is what I had assumed.  He said he was not married and he thought my chest looked very good.  He wanted to ask me if he could touch it.

Well.  

Well...

Well.......I was not prepared for that.  It took me a while to collect myself.  I finally texted back that if he had asked me, I would have laughed and certainly told him no, and that there was nothing left to say at that point.  Then I blocked his number.

For Christ's sake, man!  

In the next few minutes, I realized how stupid I had been to answer his personal questions so casually.  If there was something truly wrong with him, he now knew enough to cause me some trouble, including that he did not even have to worry about the dog.

In the days since this unfortunate exchange, I have decided that maybe he was just drunk texting or something.  He did teach me a valuable lesson about not telling strangers anything personal.  The next time someone asks me about my dog, I will say she is a vicious killer!  They do not have to know she only kills stuffed toys. 

A woman's vanity dies a hard death.  

Vicious Killer protecting her owner.